The Dubious Dozen (#5 Osborn Prolific)

Osborn Prolific is a junk fig. Like most figs, Osborn Prolific goes by more than one name. It is commonly known as Rust fig. Why name a fig, Rust? Who would grow it? Who would eat it? What kind of junkyard fig is Osborn Prolific? Surprisingly, Rust boasts stellar flavor and uncommon genetics that trace to the Caspian Sea rather than to the Mediterranean Sea as with most figs. But Rust? Might as well name the thing, Torn Scab fig, or Bloody Wound fig. Osborn Prolific puffs itself out with extra creamy pulp that can look like the flesh of a ghost if a ghost were to have flesh. Kind of tastes like ghost flesh too, if a ghost’s flesh were to have flavor. Rust. It’s not a small fig. Full bell shape. It looks like a rusted bell, with enough cracks to mar dozens of Liberty Bells. The skin of Osborn Prolific can turn a pinkish, maroonish color, so why not nickname the fig, Sunset? What a lovely name! Or, Dawn? How delightful! A ghostly flavored fig with ghostly pulp and skin colored pinkish or reddish could have been named, should have been named, Sunset or Dawn, or Dawn’s Ghost, or Sunset Ghost fig. But no. Someone conjured up one of the most ill-conceived of names for any fruit, let alone for a would-be plump juicy morsel of a fig: Rust. Must have been the same sort of person who named Hackberry and Chokeberry. Yum. You are eating Rust, people. Oxidized iron, old worn-out steel, broken-down corroded metal hunks of industrial dump waste. Munch on that! Under the hot summer sun. Rust. Osborn Prolific. Tasty.

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